Have you ever felt like you were suppose to do something special? You couldn't quite put your finger on it...but you KNOW you were meant for more! It's almost like this longing, searching, at times desperation of what am I doing? Where am I going? I did too. I could suppress that feeling at times "in the world", but it would always came back....almost taunting me. After I turned 30, I got really discouraged and felt unhappy and after years of UP's and DOWNS..... the only thing I knew to do was PRAY... And not just pray...let me tell you.....FALL ON YOUR KNEES, crying and sobbing prayer! I asked God to reveal to me the path that He had for my life, to remove all the sin and doubt and fear that I was feeling and show me what He wanted me to do. I pleaded with God and told Him I was and am willing to give everything to Him.
You see before, when I would pray, I would limit God...."Well God if you just do this for me or that....I would be so appreciative" But what was I giving God? Not nearly enough!
I started a business late in life at age 36 :) I was excited and barely slept the first year.....it was definitely another of my "I'm so unhappy, let me start a business and drowned myself in that!" I was killing myself. After the first year and feeling beyond frustrated with everything.... so frustrated that I fell on my knees and cried out to God, Lord, your will be done, I don't care about material things anymore, I give myself, my husband, my children, my business to you. All of it is yours....please show me what I am suppose to be doing for you GOD, not my will but yours! How can I serve you LORD?? My life didn't change instantly...but...the more time I spent with God...seeking Him...seeking His will for my life....the more I understood. I dedicated my business to GOD. I remembered that I am not the owner of my life, God is, he just wants me to manage it. It sure has been a much smoother ride with God at the wheel.
God wants us to continue growing and learning. In all the years of my life, with all the good and bad...... I realized that there are so many different stages. But the best part is that EACH STAGE prepares us for the NEXT STAGE! That hits home with me....because I know that everything I have been through or done is not in vain. It had a purpose ....and it prepared me for what's next. With that said, that searching that I had been doing and feeling for so long thinking I was suppose to do THIS or THAT in the world.....all of sudden....it didn't matter anymore........it was God ALL ALONG.....calling to me....quietly....I just wasn't listening. You see....He placed within each one of us this feeling, this longing to SEEK HIM. We mistake that feeling so often because of a euphoric feeling we may get about something else material in the world or someone else......but....that feeling of "what am I doing here?" is from God. He gave us a choice....it's so simple...but we make it so complicated.
I choose GOD....... I am not perfect, I am a sinner still, but I strive everyday to seek God! Trust me....I fought it for years and years! I'm not fighting anymore, I am working for the kingdom of God. I am doing my best to seek Him everyday and say, Lord how can I be a better Model 4 Christ? Have you asked God yet? He's just waiting for you to....
"For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance & the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope." --Romans 15:4
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